The happenings of the last few weeks have pretty much been arriving in little fragments that are not really enough to have a blog post for each one. So today I will be doing what my last year class frequently finds me doing in Mrs Tee’s ePOD lessons. That is grouping my points together.
My grouping of points last year was actually quite funny cos every time I raise my hand to say something it begins with (let’s say I have three points to talk about) “I have 3 points to make...” And so on depending on how many points I grouped together. Eventually Noel succinctly stated to the whole class the effect of point grouping: “Allister can you stop grouping your points together because the only thing we remember after you’re done is your last point” XD
Thus ended the grouping of points.
Anyway lets go all the way back to the day after The Meeting (previous post), last last Wednesday. PIano practical exam. Fail. For sure. Because every piece had a ton of mistakes, and the scales got messed up real bad too. No need to wait for results already, I know when I’ve failed. A bit stupid in retrospect, that I took the exam knowing I didn’t have enough practice because I didn’t have the time to practice.
Thursday I borrowed OS X Snow Leopard Install DVD from someone. Thanks a million to that person :) Don’t wanna mention who here, later he gets bugged by lots of people XD
Friday was Year 1 First Aid at NCDCC which I was teaching. Then had to coordinate the practical test at the end of the day. At the end of it all I was dead tired, from running all over the place to make sure things go smoothly. Thanks to all the Year 3s who helped me out here :)
On the same day Ms Fiona Ho had to sort out the New South Wales Writing competition for both Year 3 and 4 into the various classes. The amount of entries were a stack of paper more than 40cm high. About 3/4 didn’t write their class down so she had to compare with the class lists and sort them one by one.
She was busy that day so me and some other people helped her to sort it out. Thanks so much people :) And thanks a million Nicholas for coming over from 3.9 during free period, and also taking over most of it when I had to attend to C Math work :) I would have died if not for you.
Wednesday of the next week after school we had NCDCC camp planning meeting. Year 2s are usually supposed to plan the year end camp, with the Year 3s kind of guiding them along. We were pretty much hands-off this year, and I think that was good. Tell people what to do but not how to do it and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.
Saturday was NCDCC Service Day, basically going around the HDB flats and surveying people on fire safety as well as giving out pamphlets. After we came back to school at about noon, I had lunch with Nicholas at Broadway. It was nice to be able to spend time with a friend to catch up on each other’s life :) Talked about all the funny things that happen in our class (Bose, Kwang Pow, etc. all the gossip XD)
Yups that’s what’s happened the past weeks.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
The Meeting 8:05 AM
We had this S/NCO meeting after school.
The first part went quite okay. Discussing stuff like Service Day or attendance matters. Then the second part was about something that I figure everyone felt very strongly about, leadership approach. I think that was the most important part of the meeting, but the way someone acted got on my nerves.
Honestly I think you should know that a meeting is a civilized discussion, where we all sit down nicely and conduct ourselves professionally. It does not entail rudely interrupting other people when they are talking, frequently as and when you please. It also does not entail having the need to raise your voice and start shouting. That tends to give the impression that because you cannot get your point across with logic, you do it with volume.
In the end I moderated the meeting.
Firstly lets talk about the way you approached Year 1 foot-drill. You have enough people as it is to run your lesson. Everyone before you has done so with as much or less people. You ask for more people because you think it might make the lesson more efficient. The thing is, asking for a instructor cadet ratio of 1:1 is quite unreasonable, seeing as how you have 30+ cadets, and seeing as how we are still a small new CCA (in this school anyway).
We notify you that you cannot ask Year 2s to help you because they are very busy having to rush to finish foot-drill silver and rescue by the end of the year, and suggest you ask some Year 3s seeing as how they are freer. Then you go on and on about how they would not be able to teach, how they are unreliable, how they would not help at all.
Here’s what the problem was. You didn’t even give them a chance to prove themselves, and you were very judgmental, and are forming prejudices on no observations and evidence. You have absolutely no trust at all in your counterparts or anyone else for that matter. How on earth do you expect to run a CCA when you treat everyone else as idiots?
And then after you complain that the Year 3s won’t be helpful you then go on to complain that you don’t have enough manpower. Then you expect us to be able to solve that. Like what the hell?
Then the discussion moved on to the debate on leadership styles. It was the classic debate on dictatorial versus delegative/democratic leadership. You’ve tried a completely dictatorial approach from day 1. It has failed to work and only resulted in the Year 1 and 2s hating you and doing everything they can to rebel. So we ask you to consider a different approach, yet you don’t even give it a thought or consider trying.
People frequently confuse leadership with being a b**ch.
Forcing people to do stuff by yelling at them, terrifying them, or punishing them if they don’t listen, is rubbish leadership. Heck. It isn’t even leadership. Its intimidation and bullying. Leadership is when you are able to guide people and point them in the right direction because you’ve won their respect and trust. Its about motivating and empowering your people.
Its when people feel that you are approachable and are comfortable to bring their problems to you, because they have begun to trust that you can solve them. Why in the world are you trying to create barriers between you and your people? I have never felt the need to be formal, never felt the need to keep my distance from people I’m supposed to lead. Why have you?
You can’t lead by “talking down” at people, only by “talking to” people. You have to be “one with your people” to be able to lead them, and you’ll get nowhere with the “hierarchical” frame of mind, you’ll get nowhere thinking that you are “superior” to your people. The only way to lead is by treating everyone as your equal.
There is also a huge difference between being strict, and being fierce. You can be strict but you should not be fierce. You should keep a good standard and not allow people to cut corners etc, but you should not tekan people for mistakes. In other words, it is much better to just tell people what’s wrong and let them go fix it rather than tekan them.
The end product of leadership is not to create people that listen to you. That is a terribly simplistic and backward thinking frame of mind. The end product of leadership is to make sure your people will become outspoken, independent thinking people. People with their own opinions, people who will stand up for what they think.
You are there as a leader not to control people, but simply to give them a nudge in the right direction, and to let them figure out the rest. You are there not to command people, but only to guide them a little when they so need it.
We all make mistakes. I made a hell lot of them when I first started. I still do. We all do.
The thing the rest of us took issue with was not so much the mistakes regarding the subject matter as it was your approach to the discussion of these. Throughout the discussion, it didn’t feel like you were taking any of our views seriously at all. It just felt like you dismissed our views without even properly considering them.
The important thing is not about whether or not we make mistakes. The important thing is whether or not we take the time to evaluate seriously the alternative viewpoints that other people have presented. We are all human, and thus subject to the “human condition”, where we will never be able to see thing from a wholly objective and unbiased perspective. It is therefore important that we consider perspectives opposite to our own such that our subjectiveness would have less profound impact on our judgements.
We are not asking you to agree completely with what we think.
We are only asking that you give it some thought.
________________________
I hope that you take me seriously this time and not treat this commentary as just another bunch of text which you can print out and show to everyone to somehow vindicate your argument that I write outrageous nonsense on this blog. Don’t let me down.
The first part went quite okay. Discussing stuff like Service Day or attendance matters. Then the second part was about something that I figure everyone felt very strongly about, leadership approach. I think that was the most important part of the meeting, but the way someone acted got on my nerves.
Honestly I think you should know that a meeting is a civilized discussion, where we all sit down nicely and conduct ourselves professionally. It does not entail rudely interrupting other people when they are talking, frequently as and when you please. It also does not entail having the need to raise your voice and start shouting. That tends to give the impression that because you cannot get your point across with logic, you do it with volume.
In the end I moderated the meeting.
Firstly lets talk about the way you approached Year 1 foot-drill. You have enough people as it is to run your lesson. Everyone before you has done so with as much or less people. You ask for more people because you think it might make the lesson more efficient. The thing is, asking for a instructor cadet ratio of 1:1 is quite unreasonable, seeing as how you have 30+ cadets, and seeing as how we are still a small new CCA (in this school anyway).
We notify you that you cannot ask Year 2s to help you because they are very busy having to rush to finish foot-drill silver and rescue by the end of the year, and suggest you ask some Year 3s seeing as how they are freer. Then you go on and on about how they would not be able to teach, how they are unreliable, how they would not help at all.
Here’s what the problem was. You didn’t even give them a chance to prove themselves, and you were very judgmental, and are forming prejudices on no observations and evidence. You have absolutely no trust at all in your counterparts or anyone else for that matter. How on earth do you expect to run a CCA when you treat everyone else as idiots?
And then after you complain that the Year 3s won’t be helpful you then go on to complain that you don’t have enough manpower. Then you expect us to be able to solve that. Like what the hell?
Then the discussion moved on to the debate on leadership styles. It was the classic debate on dictatorial versus delegative/democratic leadership. You’ve tried a completely dictatorial approach from day 1. It has failed to work and only resulted in the Year 1 and 2s hating you and doing everything they can to rebel. So we ask you to consider a different approach, yet you don’t even give it a thought or consider trying.
People frequently confuse leadership with being a b**ch.
Forcing people to do stuff by yelling at them, terrifying them, or punishing them if they don’t listen, is rubbish leadership. Heck. It isn’t even leadership. Its intimidation and bullying. Leadership is when you are able to guide people and point them in the right direction because you’ve won their respect and trust. Its about motivating and empowering your people.
Its when people feel that you are approachable and are comfortable to bring their problems to you, because they have begun to trust that you can solve them. Why in the world are you trying to create barriers between you and your people? I have never felt the need to be formal, never felt the need to keep my distance from people I’m supposed to lead. Why have you?
You can’t lead by “talking down” at people, only by “talking to” people. You have to be “one with your people” to be able to lead them, and you’ll get nowhere with the “hierarchical” frame of mind, you’ll get nowhere thinking that you are “superior” to your people. The only way to lead is by treating everyone as your equal.
There is also a huge difference between being strict, and being fierce. You can be strict but you should not be fierce. You should keep a good standard and not allow people to cut corners etc, but you should not tekan people for mistakes. In other words, it is much better to just tell people what’s wrong and let them go fix it rather than tekan them.
The end product of leadership is not to create people that listen to you. That is a terribly simplistic and backward thinking frame of mind. The end product of leadership is to make sure your people will become outspoken, independent thinking people. People with their own opinions, people who will stand up for what they think.
You are there as a leader not to control people, but simply to give them a nudge in the right direction, and to let them figure out the rest. You are there not to command people, but only to guide them a little when they so need it.
We all make mistakes. I made a hell lot of them when I first started. I still do. We all do.
The thing the rest of us took issue with was not so much the mistakes regarding the subject matter as it was your approach to the discussion of these. Throughout the discussion, it didn’t feel like you were taking any of our views seriously at all. It just felt like you dismissed our views without even properly considering them.
The important thing is not about whether or not we make mistakes. The important thing is whether or not we take the time to evaluate seriously the alternative viewpoints that other people have presented. We are all human, and thus subject to the “human condition”, where we will never be able to see thing from a wholly objective and unbiased perspective. It is therefore important that we consider perspectives opposite to our own such that our subjectiveness would have less profound impact on our judgements.
We are not asking you to agree completely with what we think.
We are only asking that you give it some thought.
________________________
I hope that you take me seriously this time and not treat this commentary as just another bunch of text which you can print out and show to everyone to somehow vindicate your argument that I write outrageous nonsense on this blog. Don’t let me down.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
It Takes A Long Time To Grow Young 10:30 PM
This year’s birthday was a somewhat more quiet affair, yet it’s probably gonna be one of those that I’ll remember forever :)
To Joseph, I read what you wrote on your blog. That was really nice of you :) Thanks so much.
To Nicholas and Lucas, thank you so much for calling, that was very thoughtful :)
To Arul and Weilin from NCDCC, I got your SMSes, thanks :)
To all the people who wrote on my Facebook Wall, thanks for all of the birthday wishes :) I read every single one.
Uhh... I broke my “tradition” of having chocolate cake every year by having a coffee ice-cream cake this year :) Usually every year we have this big family dinner thingy, where we invite my cousin’s family, and all the other relatives if they are in Singapore. This year, some renovation was happening, and the whole place was noisy and dusty, so that didn’t happen this year.
I had my birthday this year on the fresco of the Au Petit Salut french restaurant on Dempsey Hill. We celebrated it a day earlier, yesterday. Just me, my bro, my mum, my dad. I liked it :) Probably the first time in a million years we have actually spent time together properly.
Today I went to Novena Square together with Daryl to study. We talked about a lot of stuff. I felt really happy on the way home. Its been so long since I’ve spent time together with a friend properly, without this or that interrupting. Thanks so much Daryl :)
Remember that friend that I lost touch with and found again? If not, read that post entitled “Life is startling, unpredictable. Amazing“. Sitting down with my bro and mum on Sunday, flipping though the yellowed pages of some ancient photo album of me and my bro as little kids, my mum found a photo of me and that friend at a previous birthday party.
That was 6 September 1997. Twelve years ago. I was three, he was five.
That night after everyone else had gone to sleep, alone by the light of the table lamp, I sat there looking at that photograph for a long time.
Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, the big parties, the big events, nor great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, those fleeting moments shared with special people.
Like your amused expression when I was screaming excitedly in front of that birthday cake all those years ago. Like catching your grin and grinning back, frantically keeping kayaks in the pouring rain, not so many months ago.
Our lives are measured by these kind of moments.
Right now, I’m counting the days to the first Friday when school starts so I can look for you and show you that photograph :)
I watched the movie Up recently. I think the whole thing was about how you don’t need to go to otherworldly and exotic places to search for adventure, because life itself and all its little moments is already an adventure.
So I guess on this day I would like to thank my friends, each one of you, for making mine so amazing.
To Joseph, I read what you wrote on your blog. That was really nice of you :) Thanks so much.
To Nicholas and Lucas, thank you so much for calling, that was very thoughtful :)
To Arul and Weilin from NCDCC, I got your SMSes, thanks :)
To all the people who wrote on my Facebook Wall, thanks for all of the birthday wishes :) I read every single one.
Uhh... I broke my “tradition” of having chocolate cake every year by having a coffee ice-cream cake this year :) Usually every year we have this big family dinner thingy, where we invite my cousin’s family, and all the other relatives if they are in Singapore. This year, some renovation was happening, and the whole place was noisy and dusty, so that didn’t happen this year.
I had my birthday this year on the fresco of the Au Petit Salut french restaurant on Dempsey Hill. We celebrated it a day earlier, yesterday. Just me, my bro, my mum, my dad. I liked it :) Probably the first time in a million years we have actually spent time together properly.
Today I went to Novena Square together with Daryl to study. We talked about a lot of stuff. I felt really happy on the way home. Its been so long since I’ve spent time together with a friend properly, without this or that interrupting. Thanks so much Daryl :)
Remember that friend that I lost touch with and found again? If not, read that post entitled “Life is startling, unpredictable. Amazing“. Sitting down with my bro and mum on Sunday, flipping though the yellowed pages of some ancient photo album of me and my bro as little kids, my mum found a photo of me and that friend at a previous birthday party.
That was 6 September 1997. Twelve years ago. I was three, he was five.
That night after everyone else had gone to sleep, alone by the light of the table lamp, I sat there looking at that photograph for a long time.
Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, the big parties, the big events, nor great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, those fleeting moments shared with special people.
Like your amused expression when I was screaming excitedly in front of that birthday cake all those years ago. Like catching your grin and grinning back, frantically keeping kayaks in the pouring rain, not so many months ago.
Our lives are measured by these kind of moments.
Right now, I’m counting the days to the first Friday when school starts so I can look for you and show you that photograph :)
I watched the movie Up recently. I think the whole thing was about how you don’t need to go to otherworldly and exotic places to search for adventure, because life itself and all its little moments is already an adventure.
So I guess on this day I would like to thank my friends, each one of you, for making mine so amazing.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
One Side of One Thousand 11:34 PM
I guess than even when I’ve lost every shred of my identity, every last piece of what makes me human, there are the few awesome people who will come and remind me of who I am, what I set out to do. Friends are the people who know the song of your heart, and sing it back to you when you’ve forgotten the tune.
You know who you are. I read what you wrote. I cried after I read it. That was really nice of you..... thanks so much for being there for me.....
To the few people who came to class just to see if I was ok, thanks for your care..... right then I really needed it......
You guys are awesome.....
Someone told me on the way home, that the stuff I worry about is just a small part of what is important. He said to stop caring so much, because after all these things, the rest is really up to you. Thanks for that.....
________________________
I guess one of the biggest things that we’ve talked about every time, was this issue of a facade. Hiding what I felt like it meant nothing when it meant everything. Coming to school every morning with a smile no matter how badly I was hurt, no matter how painful everything was. I don’t think I ever explained myself properly.
None of us ever did.
I’ll try. Forgive me if I fail. I guess some of us try to keep our personal and professional life separate. Don’t take this wrongly, it doesn’t mean I don’t make friends. It just means that I keep personal feelings out of school time and the countless meetings and projects. That no matter how desolate I feel inside, I don’t show anything, just so things don’t become complicated with emotion.
Part of it was because I acted on emotion instead of logic before, and the consequences were tragic. Stung and hurt, I didn’t think I had the courage to follow what I feel anymore.
Part of it was because of doing a lot of science research. Because as a scientist, its part of what you’re trained to do.
Emotions tend to affect experimental results. We’re trained to remove all traces of human emotion from our work, simply because science is supposed to be objective in nature. Science is uncompromising, precise, sterile. The lab hasn’t got space for emotion or feeling. Whatever we feel, its almost duty to hide it all away until we change out of our lab coats and exit the lab.
The philosophy lecture on science was quite accurate about that.
What tends to happen after that I guess, is that people tend to have unfair expectations of scientists. People expect us to be calm and composed in any situation, personal or professional, they expect us to be able to make sound and objective decisions every single time.
They forget that we feel too.
They forget that we can feel every single emotion and feeling that anyone else feels. They forget that we make mistakes too, because we sometimes follow our heart and not logic. They forget that we have to hide all that no matter how painful it is when in our professional capacity.
We laugh, we cry, we get angry, we love. We are people too.
I guess what all this has taught me, is never to take anyone at face value. When you meet someone, you only see one side of one thousand. In truth, we know very little about the people we meet, what they are like outside the situations we would normally meet them in.
I made that mistake once.
He’s two years older than me. In sec 1 I was whacked by him a lot in NCDCC. I was really scared of him and I tried to avoid him. If I saw him coming, I’d just kinda run away.
Fast-forward two years.
Far away from home, in a foreign country, dead tired from traveling the whole day, close to breaking point under the stress of competition..... he was the one who took care of me and did his best to look out for me.....
I guess what I’m trying to say, is that people are vibrant, dynamic. They are multi-faceted. There is so much that makes someone who they are. You probably can never fully know someone. The best you could do is try to think of how they might be like outside of the situations that you usually see that person.
I just want you to know that I’m more than the Alli you see in school everyday.
You know who you are. I read what you wrote. I cried after I read it. That was really nice of you..... thanks so much for being there for me.....
To the few people who came to class just to see if I was ok, thanks for your care..... right then I really needed it......
You guys are awesome.....
Someone told me on the way home, that the stuff I worry about is just a small part of what is important. He said to stop caring so much, because after all these things, the rest is really up to you. Thanks for that.....
________________________
I guess one of the biggest things that we’ve talked about every time, was this issue of a facade. Hiding what I felt like it meant nothing when it meant everything. Coming to school every morning with a smile no matter how badly I was hurt, no matter how painful everything was. I don’t think I ever explained myself properly.
None of us ever did.
I’ll try. Forgive me if I fail. I guess some of us try to keep our personal and professional life separate. Don’t take this wrongly, it doesn’t mean I don’t make friends. It just means that I keep personal feelings out of school time and the countless meetings and projects. That no matter how desolate I feel inside, I don’t show anything, just so things don’t become complicated with emotion.
Part of it was because I acted on emotion instead of logic before, and the consequences were tragic. Stung and hurt, I didn’t think I had the courage to follow what I feel anymore.
Part of it was because of doing a lot of science research. Because as a scientist, its part of what you’re trained to do.
Emotions tend to affect experimental results. We’re trained to remove all traces of human emotion from our work, simply because science is supposed to be objective in nature. Science is uncompromising, precise, sterile. The lab hasn’t got space for emotion or feeling. Whatever we feel, its almost duty to hide it all away until we change out of our lab coats and exit the lab.
The philosophy lecture on science was quite accurate about that.
What tends to happen after that I guess, is that people tend to have unfair expectations of scientists. People expect us to be calm and composed in any situation, personal or professional, they expect us to be able to make sound and objective decisions every single time.
They forget that we feel too.
They forget that we can feel every single emotion and feeling that anyone else feels. They forget that we make mistakes too, because we sometimes follow our heart and not logic. They forget that we have to hide all that no matter how painful it is when in our professional capacity.
We laugh, we cry, we get angry, we love. We are people too.
I guess what all this has taught me, is never to take anyone at face value. When you meet someone, you only see one side of one thousand. In truth, we know very little about the people we meet, what they are like outside the situations we would normally meet them in.
I made that mistake once.
He’s two years older than me. In sec 1 I was whacked by him a lot in NCDCC. I was really scared of him and I tried to avoid him. If I saw him coming, I’d just kinda run away.
Fast-forward two years.
Far away from home, in a foreign country, dead tired from traveling the whole day, close to breaking point under the stress of competition..... he was the one who took care of me and did his best to look out for me.....
I guess what I’m trying to say, is that people are vibrant, dynamic. They are multi-faceted. There is so much that makes someone who they are. You probably can never fully know someone. The best you could do is try to think of how they might be like outside of the situations that you usually see that person.
I just want you to know that I’m more than the Alli you see in school everyday.