Note To a Friend 10:08 PM

To Jem,

Congratulations on your Theory of Music Distinction :D Its good you finally got something to be happy about :)

See? Its not who you think you are that holds you back. Its who you think you aren't. You'll never know how far you can go until you spread your wings and fly :)

Think Different 1:03 PM

Ali 2.0 9:24 PM

I guess in the calm after the storm, it comes back to decisions. I know pretty much what results I'm going to get, and I know where I stand. I also know what is most likely to happen next. So, doing what I usually do, its now time to plan in advance what's gonna happen from here. Except this is more like a life plan thing than what will appear on my Calendar.

Some of the decisions, they weren't very difficult to make. I'll do what feels right on my emotions alone, and ignore what logic tells me. Just this once I hope its the right way to go. 

This is now officially a promise. If I get kicked out of IP, I will change schools. You can hold me to my word. I am not content staying at a school whose actions of its leaders run precisely contrary to my beliefs and ideologies.

I read someone's blog. I agree. Competitiveness is what breaks friendships in this school. If I get the chance to stay in IP, I'll make sure it doesn't happen in this class. 3.8 either succeeds together or fails together. If 3.8 wants to win a clean sweep of all the academic awards, then the only way we can do that is if we help each other. If people like _____ or _____ or ______ want it to be everyone for himself, they will have to impeach me first.

I have decided my life philosophy. I now know what was missing since the start of the year. I've been a pushover, kicked around by other people, and letting my decisions be made for me. 

Here is my new life philosophy...

I need to prove nothing to nobody because my work speaks for itself. Whatever marks I get for this exam, or for any other exam, they do not decide my fate. Nobody and nothing will ever be able to do that except for myself. I create my own fate, I make my own future and I write my own destiny.

What I want, I will get.

If anyone dares try to write my fate for me or try to stand in my way, by the time I'm finished with them they are going to wish they never lived. 

That also includes telling me which CCAs I should be passionate about, or telling me my priorities, or trying to edit my schedule.

That brings me nicely to the next part of my philosophy about priorities. The only people who can touch my priorities are me, myself and I. I am going to set them correctly meaning (starting with most important) - Friends/family, health and well-being, exams/school-work, CCA, other commitments.

If anyone dares to try changing them for me they are going to feel so much pain and agony that they would rather go commit suicide than face me ever again. If I want change in the way this education works, then the only person who can make that change is myself. Be the change that you want to see in the world.

I don't have to put up with people who push me around, neither will I be content to do so. I have what I need, personality and wilting sarcasm. I can be scary as an when I need to be. Its time I used these features of myself more.

Now its time for me to wrap up this exam business. After we are done with that...

Its time we get ready to meet Ali 2.0

Shadows of Regret 10:10 PM

I died today. The C Math paper killed me.

I went in and did the paper with nothing but anger and fear, knowing that it was nothing more than a suicide mission. I look back feeling only regret and desolation.

I try to fight back the tears, as I try my best to prepare myself for a grade below 36 points. I feel like I let down everyone I know. My parents, teachers, friends. I'm sorry... I'm a disappointment...

I think I might get kicked out of IP. If that happens, the people I'm gonna end up hurting most are the people who are the reasons I live each day for. My friends. Especially those in my class now. And especially the one who wrote a petition to Mr Liang Chew Man, just so he could change class to be in the same class as me. I'm sorry for letting all of you down..... I'm sorry I couldn't be a better friend.....

I guess if I get kicked out, I'll change school. If only I could just run away from all of this.

But I know that no matter where I run, I'm gonna be chased forever by the shadows of regret.

The Stuff that Makes Us Who We Are 10:38 PM

I used to be able to hide my feelings so well..... now life hurt me so much I don't even try anymore.....

I think my Chinese tuition teacher is trying to counsel me....

Piano did not go well. Grade 7 aural is horrid. Sing the lower part..... okay, I can't even hear it because the upper part is the more important part and is much louder. Listen and identify the cadence...... choose from perfect, imperfect, plagal, interrupted, and any V7 or 1c - 5 variations..... they all sound the same....

Exam in about 20 weeks.

Okay..... I went blog reading again.....

Don't feel so desolate..... you didn't get into Moot Parliament, but never once was it because your proposal wasn't good enough. You know that. You guys had the best and most well researched proposal. My team's was terrible in comparison. 

The whole thing was the fault of the cretin MPP people at GEP branch. You can't blame yourself for what happened. It was completely out of the control of any one of us. 

You worked so hard, it was so obvious in your proposal. The failures are those idiots at GEP branch. 

As for NCC, that wasn't your fault either. You can't blame yourself for the consequences of what other people did. 

You did all you can and tried your best and you can't call that failure and you know it.

Anyway this whole all rounded education thing is stupid. Its the work of kia su idiots who want students to be good at everything. Its stupidity and greed. A bad combination which will have dire consequences.....

The problem is really that because they want us to be good at everything, we don't have time to do the stuff that we really do best. And that is sad. I want to do design work, but that has to be put on hold because of so many other things that I've really got no passion for but have no choice to do... Its also the reason why the world is in a mess. Because people don't get the chance to make a difference in the way they do it best.

You cannot hope to build a better world without improving the individuals. To that end each of us must work for his own improvement, and at the same time share a general responsibility for all humanity, our particular duty being to aid those to whom we think we can be most useful.
--Marie Curie

Sometimes its so difficult to understand why they can't accept us for who we are.

I guess its up to our generation to fix the world and all the stuff where the previous generation screwed up.

All of us..... we are good at different things..... that's the stuff that make us who we are..... Yeah, maybe I can do all the sciency stuff or photoshop/presentation things..... but I'll never be able to lead a cheering team..... handle a crisis situation like you do..... or score a soccer goal...... or hit a tennis ball.....

If everyone was good at everything and everyone was the same, I guess we would all keep to ourself and not bother communicating with other people cos we already know what they are like. The same.

That's why we can be friends. Because we are different.

Running the Numbers 10:12 PM

Ever seen so much destruction in your life that the zeros lost their meaning as you read each word in the news without emotion?

Try this:

• 9 986 400 000 supermarket paper bags are used annually in the United States alone.
  

Did you feel anything? Or was there so many zeros that you felt nothing?

What if we could see such numbers?....

This picture contains 320,000 light bulbs, equal to the number of kilowatt hours of electricity wasted in the United States every minute from inefficient residential electricity usage (inefficient wiring, computers in sleep mode, etc.)....

60,000 plastic bags, the number used in the US every five seconds...

One hundred million toothpicks, equal to the number of trees cut in the U.S. yearly to make the paper for junk mail...

Two million plastic beverage bottles, the number used in the US every five minutes...

Taken from - Running the Numbers, by Chris Jordan.

See more at chrisjordan.com

Lost Generation 10:54 PM