Puppies and Kittens

My address-book and iCal sync are in complete disarray, an unhappy image of my life today.  I feel emo...

A number of things didn't quite work out.  I feel upset, ignored, left out, and I still miss the Dan very badly.

The Suppiah has caused great umbrage regarding the IRS exhibition.  Reprinting my poster is expensive and terribly inconvenient.  I am very upset, and she is not helping anything.  But this is still the least of my worries.

I can't hide this any longer, and this is my blog.  I feel left out about not being a PSL.  I can't believe I wasn't selected.  Everyone else is so excited about it.  Its all over FaceBook and other peoples' blog.  Being left out is the worst feeling.  Its like I didn't make the cut.  All the cool people are PSLs.  I try not to show it or talk about it.  I pretend to be uninterested.  But it appears everywhere.  I realize it only hurts when you pretend it doesn't.  Life is so unfair.

I miss the Dan very badly.  I'm holding on to something, hoping it will comeback, but knowing it won't.  It used to be the reason I breathed, but now its choking me up.  Some people think that holding on will make you stronger, but sometimes its letting go that does.

I feel ignored, by people who don't reply to me.  I wish I were as invisible as these people make me feel.  Its like they don't want to talk to me.  Sometimes, I just feel so alone.  I know that some of them are upset too, caught up in mis-happenings in their own lives.  Lee Zheng has suddenly become very upset about something, and he's not talking to anyone.  Silence is the most powerful cry.

Its at these times, that I also remember all the things and people I hate.  And I sit here crying, not because I miss them, but because I know I'll never have the chance to hurt them, like they hurt me.  I do not intend to tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death.  The existence of these people hurts me almost as much as this razor-blade does.  I hurt myself so you can't.  I buried myself on the inside so I could shut you out.  Every tear tells a different story, and I wish I could gather all my tears so that I could fxxxing drown these people in them.

I hate life, and life hates me.  Depression has only one cure, and no one cared enough to stop me from curing myself.