I Wish I Cannot Feel

Today was unusual. I am now participating for Life Sciences Symposium energy competition, running an exhibition booth and sending in an entry for Biotechnology Fair 2009. I'm not saying that's bad, because I love science, but things tend to get a little messy when too many things happen at the same time.

Something happened, and now I am also in NCDCC 2 Star Kayaking course. Andrew came during recess, and said Alex Ng did the choosing. I'll leave that at that. When he told me I just freaked. So I went and talked to Joel Toi, and that made me feel a little better :) 

Andrew thinks that that course is something that should be looked forward to. And I said (a little bluntly) that I would like to go with Joel instead. I think he's upset. I'm sorry :)

I did say yes, because I didn't think that Mr Alex Ng / Dr Tan was going to take no for an answer. When every did they? :) I regret saying yes, even though I didn't really have a choice. I realize I spend a lot of time thinking about the things I've done and looking back, knowing that I will never be able to change what has happened. I wish I could be the type of person, ruthlessly efficient, who can just forget everything that went by, and just look dead ahead and build a better future without turning back... Sometimes, I find that the ability to feel is an evolutionary flaw. Sometimes I wish that I couldn't feel.

There are millions of things which I want to forget and never look back at again, but I find I can't. Sometimes its people I miss the most because its painful to think of them.

Sometimes I wish that I was cooler. Sometimes I wonder why I try to be somebody I'm not.