The Price I Paid

This is a bit late, but I'll say it anyway. Thanks Jem :) , for standing up for me the other day when "someone" barged into class and was very rude about asking me to pass a form to someone. 

Thanks Nicholas, for doing the same today :) Except that "that someone" was questioning my priorities instead.

Now lets talk about "that someone"

Today you questioned my priorities. And NCDCC's position in them. Firstly, don't ask questions to which you already know the answer to. It only has the effect of making you look less smart than you are. You knew me since primary 1. You know what I'm like, what I want to do with my life, all the reasons why.

Our differences made us better friends in primary school. Why should the now be any different? It doesn't have to be this way.

Secondly, that is just........ rude.

You think that I'm okay with everything just because I put on a smile everyday right? Wrong.

Just because I don't show it doesn't mean I'm not upset.

You can give so much time to NCDCC because you have nothing to lose. Its different for me. I have everything to lose.

This is the price I paid for someone else's decisions. I cancelled my entry for two international competitions. I screwed up ACS's delegation to these competitions. I have lost any credibility in the eyes of Model UN Society. I've done very badly in piano, when my exam is less than 20 weeks away. I've skipped so many karate lessons when my grading is so near. I've postponed the grading itself. I've almost been thrown out of the team being sent to India to compete at the International Biotechnology Festival. I've lost all my credibility when it comes to science research challenge. Worst of all, I've gotten horrendous academic results.

And you act as if these are so unimportant. As if they mean nothing to me. Well they mean everything.

I'm not going to write my results here. You, along with most people will say that I set my standards too high. I don't think so. Every time since I realized I was good at something (in primary 5), I have set almost ridiculously high expectations of myself, and I am proud of the fact that I can meet them every single time. 

That is not something I'm ready to sacrifice.

Today's story was supposed to be a sensational one about NCDCC's unit best cadet, and why he doesn't want to be one. 

Until we met just outside the MRT, and he told me how his side of the story, how he felt.

I understand how you feel. You're not the only one who is angry about the sacrifices that we were forced to make.