As My Skies are Turning Grey... 11:03 PM

Before I start my rant...... Thanks a million to Joseph who helped me with Logarithms :)

Also, someone else did something really selfless for me this morning, thanks a million too :) ..... I don't think I can write it here because some people will think it is favoritism.....
________________________

If ever this week I walked past you without saying a hello, if ever we saw each other and I didn't wave back, if every we found each other round the corner and I left without a word......I'm sorry..... I really am..... Its just I had so much on my mind.....

Someone made a snide comment about me being at the bottom of the C Math homework list. Look, you are not the one who has to manage 9 subjects and 2 very demanding CCAs. You're not the one who has so much work to do that you work straight through every weekend 7 days a week without ever taking a rest once. You're not the one who is back in school every Saturday till after lunch. You are not the one who works straight through every holiday. You're not the one who has people calling you with work even when traveling. You're not the one who works almost 345 out of the 365 days of the year.

I tried my best to keep up with everything, and at least I don't copy blindly so that I can be at the top of the homework list. How could you say that to me. Those few words hurt like hell.

Have you ever felt so scared cos you tried your best but still don't understand?

Have you ever had to fight back the tears and hide all the pain and pretend everything was okay because so many people looked up to you and so many people expected so much?

Maybe the people who suffered the most are the people who had no choice but to go through all the pain alone......

I lost my respect completely for two more teachers. For the first one, you know very well that you didn't teach us "log" or "ln" properly. You know that almost everyone is copying homework because of your homework list thing. You know that half the class doesn't know what is going on. You know that half the class is gonna fail/do badly for the exam. Yet you are not even worried or concerned. What kind of teacher are you?

For the second one, how could you be so deceitful to spread negative remarks about me behind my back? If you knew I was gonna fall and hurt myself badly (figuratively), the least you could have done was have the courage and honesty to criticize me to my face, instead of telling people that I'm gonna fail at what I try to do and standing by and laughing as I fall. That is hardly the kind of support you should be giving your researchers. If you criticized me to my face, maybe I'll be sad for a while, but through it all I would at least respect you for your honor.

I should just go commit hara kiri. Exams are less that a week away, and I'm gonna be missing half of tomorrow's lessons. How could some people be so f***ing stupid to put Ideas in Action presentations so close to exams?

I know why this world has so little nice people left. Cos when you're nice people just take advantage of you...... When you're hardworking, people just push all the work to you. I was naive, stupid..... to try to lie to myself..... to tell myself to trust so many people so easily...... to believe that all people are good people.....

I know what's the school's root problem..... some of our (adult) leaders are so obsessed with winning awards, that this comes at the expense of student's studies and health. Now they prioritize CCA over studies, and if we fail our exams, they just kick us out of IP without a second thought. I hate the way you did everything out of jealousy. I'm not christian, but I don't think you have the right to call yourself one.

Our students nowadays, they don't care about the school name anymore, not because they are bad/lazy people, but because the sense of ownership of this school is lost..... and with it the sense of belonging....

Laughing Matters 9:29 PM

From Elliott's blog [edits in brackets]....

Acting cute: how to get away with anything

Step 1. Think of a victim, and a prank to play on them.
get a person who is not likely to get viciously aggressive, like uhh [Jonathan Tang]!
the prank in mind can be almost anything.. allow me to list a number:

-pointing at their chest, making them look down, then flicking your finger off their nose.
-the old tapping the shoulder, making them turn their face into a waiting finger. I personally like to replace the finger with a highlighter or pen. more fun.
-or maybe not a prank, a comment that takes a moment for the person to figure out that it is teasing him/her is also fun..

Step 2. Approach the person, acting normally. Keep a straight face, as chuckling will give you away. Engage in a boring conversation, then when the person is least suspecting it. unleash your prank..

Step 3. ensure that you stay and laugh at the person for at least a few seconds, before he/she decides to kill you.

Step 4. Give a little wail (ahhh!) and run away in a most comical fashion, arms flailing. Dont run too fast though, you want the person to catch you after all.

Step 5. Get caught. Now you must act cute. Cover your face with your arms and squint your eyes, attempting to squeeze your expression into the smallest size possible.

Step 6. Allow the person to "mock" beat you up, whimpering " oh pleasee no!" in a falsetto voice.

Step 7. beg for the person's mercy and forgiveness " pwease forgive mee!" allow person to let you off 'just this once'

Step 8. Repeat Step 1. Preferably on same person.

Oh yeah, I was sitting with Jeremy and Joshua for chemistry. It was super funny XD They make so much fun out of Mr Peter Tan. I so wanna do this for the rest of the year XD Anyway, today he started talking about a certain chemist called Antoine Lavoisier and how he died by the guillotine. Then Richard purposely asked what was a guillotine, to see what kind of reaction he would get. Then Mr Peter Tan started to explain what it was with the help of a diagram on the whiteboard XD

"Its a kind of cutting device"

"Then the blade falls here and ...."

(when class laughs) "Why you all laugh? Its not funny its meant to kill people."

"Aiyah, its very horrible. I don't want to talk about it lah..."

Mr Peter Tan on chemistry topic....

PT: So do you understand how it works?

Class: No, not really

PT: Aiyah, nevermind lah.

Played badminton for the whole of PE and half of recess..... super fun XD Oh yeah, don't play against Richard. He always holds up his racket so that it bounces the shuttlecock just over the net, so it falls down on your side only a few inches from the net...... XD

During Art.....

Bryce: I love you, you love me, we are one big family....

Me: That is sad.

Barnabas: That was so.... direct

At the end of Art kena scolding by art teacher because we kinda lost focus and were like not doing anything for the last hour. Then some year 5's also kena scolding because they interrupt our lesson. XD

Ate pizza in the car on the way home XD

Sleep 10:16 PM

I tried to cheong IHS and POD essay together in one night yesterday. The consequences were dire. I ended up sleeping at 2.30 am. I put up with a splitting headache the whole day at school. Took 2 Panadol once I arrived home.

I still haven't done my research poster which I need for Ideas in Action on Thursday. I can't believe I am worrying about CCA stuff less than 10 days before exams start. I only have Thursday now which I can stay back in school to study with friends. Tomorrow I have art until 6 pm. Wednesday I need to attend an immunology conference at Biopolis.

This is bad. How can some people be so idiot as to put all these things near the exams? I really should be focusing, I really should be studying hard. Except I need to worry about research posters, research grant applications, research competitions. 

I thought sleeping at 2.30 am was bad. Apparently a friend happened to sleep at 4.30 am. Ok.... now I really understand why you hardly have the energy to talk to anyone in class. I don't blame you for it..... its not your fault...... but that doesn't mean you can't fix it.....

This is what our priorities should look like starting with most important...

• Friends/family, health and well-being, exams/school-work, CCA, other commitments

This is what they are in real life

• CCA, other commitments, exams/school-work, friends/family, health

Our priorities are so messed up. Life is totally f***ed up.

Thoughts 11:17 PM

Thanks a million for talking to me for so long, I felt so much better after that..... Its nice knowing that there are people out there who understand, and its awesome knowing that one of them cared enough to be there for me. 

Oh yeah, but just this once, pleeeease take Ms Ho's advice. Missing so many lessons so close to exams...... that might not end well........

________________________

Jonathan Chua got caned today. Sigh. The whole issue is so messed up and convoluted. Joseph probably feels terribly guilty now. Let's just say I didn't think that that was the way to go, I think that Jonathan Chua should be counseled for the rest of his duration here. Why didn't they even listen to the opinion of the class?

There are two and only two types of adults in this world:

1. Those that listen
   
2. Those that don't
   

I spent recess playing badminton, which was a continuation from what we were doing during PE. It was fun. The biggest surprise is Jonta. He is fantastic at it! XD

Goodness, I need a research poster by Thursday for Ideas in Action. I didn't procrastinate, I was told last night. This is suicide. 

The Xylems and Lignins 10:46 PM

Whoops! I Pho-got to mention something really funny that happened during PC lesson yesterday. We were doing presentations on the native sports of several asian countries for International Friendship Day. Richard Chan's group got Vietnam and he was presenting. Before he started on the sport, he was giving a brief intro of Vietnamese culture, and he put on screen a huge picture of a bowl of Pho noodles together with with Pho24 logo.

The class was howling with laughter, Ms Choy was laughing too, and Ms Ong was trying not too laugh. And Ms Fiona Ho, sitting together with our other two teachers, vigorously turned her head from Ms Choy to Ms Ong and asked "What is going on?"

Today's bio practical was quite fascinating. It was the whole celery and food coloring thing, what is probably the most popular textbook experiment for explaining the xylem. We were seeing if having leaves (with and without direct light) make water intake faster.

The more interesting part was later, when we did a longitudal section of the xylem, and got to see the lignin.

I read that you messed up bio practical. Don't be so upset. I had to try many times before I could get a proper section of the xylem. Most of us couldn't get results anyway. Anyway, the methylene blue was optional, it was for if you think that the sample was not clear enough under the microscope. I didn't use it. If your leaf still appears green after dyeing it, maybe the sample is cut too thick? 

________________________

Personality Test: http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Oh goodness! They know it all! XD

A Lesson in Over-Confidence 10:13 PM

Sigh. Chinese Oral Exam epic phial....

My IOP postponed to next week. 气死人。

Sigh, in trouble with Kenneth Ong for being at the bottom of his homework list. I can't stand the fact that he's turned homework into some race to finish the entire year's work early. I can't stand the fact that he doesn't have any sense of homework planning, like this worksheet must be done by this week and that one next week, instead just letting everyone do it as and when they like. 

Then this results in the third thing I can't stand, people who purposely do stuff like term 3 work, just to make people around them feel like slackers. I don't see the point of making homework a race. It just makes more people copy homework, which is bad because then people will fail exams. Why is it so difficult for Kenneth Ong to see that?

Why can't his homework be more organized like Ms Ong Mui Hong? Come to think of it I wish she was teaching us C Math also, because she is a fantastic teacher. Then again I should be happy she is teaching us at all, because she wasn't originally supposed to be.

On the way to B Div Rugby Finals, I did something terribly, terribly embarrassing...

I went with Daryl and Kenneth and David and Jon Tang. Our original plan had been to get to City Hall MRT and walk to Padang from there. Then David said that Jonathan Chua said that the Singapore Recreation Club is next to the Padang. So since Google Maps don't have Padang, I went and searched for the Singapore Recreation Club.

So that was closer to Raffles City and we got of there. In the end, we ended up at Speaker's Corner, because it turns out that Singapore Recreation Club is nowhere near the Padang. So we walked the rest of the way to Padang, in one huge loop. In short, we got lost.

What was most embarrassing was not the fact I got us all lost, but the fact that I 自高自大 and act as if I know the way so well, then get us lost. Note to self: Over-confidence can have hugely embarrassing results  x.x

Oh yeah, on the walk from Speaker's corner to Padang, we crossed one of the bridges over the Singapore River, and Daryl was like "This is where lots of people commit suicide you know". So I was like "Yeah thanks Daryl for telling me where to kill myself"

Then later at the Padang, Ms Ho came to find us, because I was sitting with Jon Tang, and he was supposed to take attendance. So she bent down, because we were sitting. Daryl was a standing a few feet away. Then I told her that "Jonathan Keith Chua is sick so he's not here and he's at home now".

Then Daryl came over and repeated the exact same words I said. Then Ms Ho went into her whole "Fho treatment" (complete with waving finger and bobbing head), this time about "saying stupid things". Daryl was super indignant and Ms Ho was convinced that he did it on purpose. It was super funny XD ....

The most awesome Lang Arts B teacher ever XD ......

Malgudi Days 10:06 PM

I did something totally crazy today during Fho's Language Arts B lesson. I was doing the narration for the Father's Help from Malgudi Days, then I decided that I was going to read like Fho, extra drama, and lots of deep breaths and sucking in of air.

So I did just that, and Fho looked absolutely mortified XD It was damn funny. Then she said (crosses hands, finger waggles) "The narrator does not have to be so dramatic. Yah? Ok." Then I did it again. For the rest of the story XD

And then I pronounced "for" as "fho".

I shouldn't have tried to cover my face with the book. Didn't get to see much of her awesome expression XD

Then she kept on scolding Daryl for saying "stupid things". And Daryl went and argued with her XD

Then Richard was reading with an Indian accent XD. So she asked Jeremy to read for that character. Then Jeremy read with an Indian accent. And purposely mixed up his lines with Joshua by reading one extra lines. Then Fho asked them to start again, and they did it again XD it was super-funny, and Fho was looking terribly exasperated at the end of it all

I think she was going to lose her temper XD 

So sad we are done reading Malgudi Days for Language Arts B, maybe we should ask to read more stories after the exam :P

One of the best Language Arts B lessons ever XD ......

Fire and Passion 11:22 PM

2-Star kayaking make up test today because it rained on our first test. Sigh.

I passed, for the record.

I think I feel a lot better today, after I finished Missing Mail KPA and IOP creative element. But I'm still angry with a lot of people. I'll probably be angry at them for a long time. Its funny how I forget some stuff so easily and remember other stuff forever.

I was going other-people-blog-reading today, and someone seems to be having problems with CCAs. Problems a little like mine. This one's for you....

According to MOE, CCAs were invented "to allow students to pursue their interest". Its so sad that so many people have lost sight of this objective. I don't agree with the compulsory CCA rule. It runs contrary to the original idea. Now all they care about is winning this award and that award...

....At the expense of the well-being of schoolchildren. Everywhere you see stressed people, some who are so tired they can't even stay awake through lessons.

I was once told by my parents that most people out there rarely have my best interests at heart. No matter how much I don't want to believe that, I eventually have to admit its true and accept the realities of life. Life is just not as simple as we want it to be.

So I will never try to drag people in my CCA no matter how fantastic I think it is, because everyone is different, and anyway I think you should do what interests you, not because someone tells you to go to this or that CCA..... (unlike some people.....)

So yeah, I think you should quit only if you lost the passion for what you do....

Don't quit just because there are people inside that upset you. Something I learned was that everywhere you go, there will always be 4 kinds of people you will meet...

1. Acquaintances where you just know each other
   
2. True friends
   
3. People who want to make friends with you just because you are smart/popular/famous
   
4. People who cut you down because they can't accept people who are better than them
   

Even leaving mpac and going to SRC, I still meet people who I don't get along with.

Ms Jamie Tan, an ex-mpac teacher said something pretty awesome at the first meeting of 2007...

"Mpac is as good as the people who its made of. If you think there is something wrong with mpac, then only you can fix it."

Of course sometimes its more difficult to stay, sometimes its impossible. Passion can only do only so much. And if you are under-appreciated, well.... don't stay.

But if you quit, don't let that stop you from chasing your dream. CCA is not the only way. There are so many other opportunities outside. You are the only one who can make a difference. Whatever your dream is, go for it.

Be the change that you want to see in the world.

I'm A Lost Cause 9:57 PM

I've been so busy.... Its time to just stop and think for a while. I realize that life lost its meaning..... and I lost my purpose.

Have you ever sacrificed everything and given your all, without ever asking for anything back, only to be given in return demands to give even more?

Have you put all your effort into doing something well only to be slashed down just the same?

Have you ever had to be around people who can't accept you because you are different? People who tear away every last shred of the stuff that make you who you are? People who try to force you to be someone you are not? I'm so different now, I'm not me anymore.

So many people who would do anything to tear me down. Sometimes I wish I could run away from it all...

Have you ever fallen asleep..... wishing with everything left of you..... that you'll never see the sun rise again?

There was a time when I could come to school so excited, wondering what kind of fascinating stuff we would learn today. That was when I could live with no excuses, laugh like no one's watching, and love like I've never been hurt. 

Those were happier days..... now I think of them and feel only hurt and pain....

Now I've given so much of my energy away, I fall asleep in school, barely getting through, and left with little energy to do anything else. Why is it so hard to just be able to do the things you feel you are best at? Why is it so much to ask to be able to go where you think you might make the biggest difference?

I guess things are different now...... I guess I lost it all.....

Experiments 10:54 PM

Nico says that apparently year 3 teacher's golden couple between a certain maths teacher and physics teacher are no longer together. It seems its now the maths teacher with a environmental focus group teacher. It seems that the former couple weren't sitting at their usual place in the SAC and that Ms Dheepa was sitting at that table instead. Oh dear.

In Nico's words, "The end of the world is near"

Its funny how Language Arts B is filled with so many awesome one liners...

(Daryl says something that makes fun of a Malgudi Days character)

Ms Ho: Stop being stupid! (finger waggles and head bobs)

Daryl (in hurt voice): Madam.... that was very insulting....

Ms Ho: Yah. (nodding)

Richard Chan was reading parts of it, so he faked an Indian accent, swapped the W and V, and make a laughing stock of the whole story. Ms Ho's expression was priceless when Richard got to a one liner dialogue and pronounced it as "Vhy?"

Oh yeah, and Ms Ho was explaining to us how procrastination works. She's really good at elaborating :) PEEP. 

"I shouldn't let you take work home. Because then you will procrastinate."

"And then you procrastinate. And when you procrastinate, it gets worse." (she leans alot to one side when she does this kinds of topics...)

Jeremy's answer to Ms Ho's question on what is the meaning of the literary device "bleeding heart"------

"Means there's blood like spilling out of it...." (at the same time Joshua was singing the song "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis)

Then recess. After recess was where Ms Ivy Goh threw a b**ch fit during chinese lesson. Then she was screaming at everyone. And we were all laughing.... Here are the main reasons why she threw a fit as awesome as this one...

1) She noticed that someone had disturbed the date for chinese ting xie (ahem. me :)

2) During ting xie...

     Ivy Goh: “啊！这么多字都不会写！你是不是准备去 Chinese B?"

     Jia Yuan: "啊！应该是!"

3) During ting xie someone didn't know any single word. So she scolded him and asked him to copy ke ben. Then he went and argued for like 20 min. Then Ivy Goh spent the rest of the lesson shouting about our "attitude".

After recess was Physics practical. Not much, just teacher's demonstration on a ticker timer. Then was Chemistry practical. Which I messed up. I don't get it, I try so much excess yet the precipitate is still insoluble. Dunno how Mr Peter Tan got it to dissolve. Then I got chemical burn again because of a dropped with a cracked tip, which made it drop rather inaccurate, and the size of the test tube mouth isn't exactly big. This time it was sodium hydroxide. 

Then was Language Arts Quiz, where Eric Bea won. I felt quite bad for getting 3.8 kicked out in the preliminary round... :(

Then was science research practical... so many practicals today :) We do theory work on wednesday and practical work on friday and saturday. Which I why I am quite upset, cuz I miss most of the practicals. I only managed to come today because no NCDCC.

We got to do some year 5 practical involving diffusion dishes, bromonthymol blue, enzymes and inhibitors and their ratio to each other. It was quite fun :) 

Except that Hendrik (indonesian scholar) was being extremely and excruciatingly irritating>:( Try to take the samples I prepared, then keep saying bad stuff about my practical skills. Yeah? Just because I accidentally snapped petri dish sealing parafilm doesn't make your practical skills any better. >:( 

For the record, my team took half the time it took for your team to finish. And we even managed to include a positive control setup. And most importantly, we weren't the one who messed up sets of results because of cross-contamination by pipettes. >:(

Yeah, apart from that, the experiment was awesome :) I love the color of bromonthymol blue upon contact with ammonia.

Someone asked me why I was so emo... I think I finally found a satisfactory answer to that:

Sometimes I wish life were simpler. But life is a little more complicated than that.

Nuclear Fallout 10:34 PM

Ok before that.... Biology practical was quite cool today. We used nail varnish to make micro-imprints of the upper and lower surface of a leaf, so that we can count stomata density under an optical microscope. We used methylene blue :) . I like methylene blue, iodine looks horrible. If you need to stare at a dye under a microscope for quite a while counting stomata, might as well use a dye you like XD. Anyway, the stuff that you see eventually is quite cool, almost the entire lower surface is stomata...

Lee Suan Yew speaker of the year award was a lot better this year. The speakers were much more captivating. But I think that they should have chosen a more appropriate guest of honor. Apart from not working professionally in the field of marketing communications, who in the world would call their child Waverly???

We spent the half of A Math that was not taken up by LSY to talk about the Jonathan Chua incident. I think Ms Ong was crying or something like that..... because her eyes were really really red when she came into class. That made me feel very guilty....

I hope that someday the whole class can reconcile with him...

Imperfections that Make Us Perfect 10:09 PM

The title is borrowed from Jeremy's blog :P I'll explain later.

First, the famous quotes.

Ms Ho: The one who will always be worried about your whereabouts is...
Class: Your mother
Ms Ho: The one who is always concerned for your well being is...
Class: Your mother
Ms Ho: The one who is always concerned for your results is...
Jeremy: Ms Ho... (class bursts into howls of laughter)
Ms Ho (to Jeremy): Who said Ms Ho?
Jeremy: I don't know. (confused look)
Ms Ho (carrying on): The one who is always nagging to you is...
Lionel: Ms Ho. (even more laughing fits)
Ms Ho: Who was that?

Ms Ho on two friends from Doctor's Word in Malgudi Days, Mr Gopal and Mr Raman--

"Then they get married. And then they have 3-4 children" She honestly has no idea how it sounded, and she was asking, "ya, what's so funny? Ok Jonta, you will explain to me the joke after class."

Then we got to the part in Doctor's Word where the doctor is going to operate on his friend...

Ms Ho: So why did the doctor send his friend's wife over to the neighbor's house?

Class: Because the operation is going to be gory...

Ms Ho: Yah gory. Pho pho pho? 

She tried to ask who the operation would be gory for, then she herself pronounced "for" as Pho. Then the whole class started howling with laughter. And she didn't get it either. 

Daryl reply to the question on who it would be gory for: "The neighbors"

(Even more laughing XD)

Mr Peter Tan on a soccer ball as a model for Buckminsterfullerene:

"I needed a soccer ball to demonstrate. Then, I confiscated one." (more laughing XD)

Mr Peter Tan is so um..... cool. :P

I read something on Jeremy's blog that was quite nice. It was about the "Imperfections that make us perfect". And I totally agree with it. I always remember people most for their quirks and eccentricities. The things that make them different, special. I don't understand why in this world there are people out there who detest individuality and can't accept the differences of people... that's just morally wrong.... 

Now for the sad parts.....

Okay, during C Math, Jonathan Chua attacked Joseph Sim in the middle of Mr Kenneth Ong giving out worksheets. Apparently Joseph asked if he would prefer to be called Jonathan or Keith. So all hell broke loose, and Jonathan attacked Joseph with a stack of worksheets and a math file. Jonathan whacked Joseph's glasses off his face, and was kicking and hitting anyone around him. Then everyone was utterly horrified, especially Mr Kenneth Ong. It took 15 people to stop Jonathan (thanks to all the people who helped :) ). Mr Jarrett Kan and Mr Samuel Sim were called. Then there was apparently an immediate level meeting.

I think a huge chunk of it all is my fault. Firstly, this wasn't even the first time, something like this happened a few weeks ago. I didn't even inform Ms Ho about that incident, just because I didn't want anyone getting into big trouble. I did something so completely irresponsible and unprofessional, making a decision on emotions than logic. So thanks to me something like this that should have been resolved as soon as possible, got swept under the carpet (I feel like a hypocrite now, cuz I tell people that relationship issues and group dynamics should not be swept under the carpet), hardly resolved properly, and 4 months too late.

4 months to do something about it, and I did nothing. I feel so totally irresponsible...

Then today, I think I was hardly helpful. Standing around not doing anything to help, to the extent of someone else having to take control of the situation for me. I was so indecisive, slow, blur. As if I didn't know what to do, after running through all the SOPs so many times during Mr Liang Chew Man's chairman meetings. Told exactly what should be done, then not doing them. Its not like I forgot them, right now I still remember it crystal clear. Its just I didn't do it.

I admit it, I'm a terrible chairperson. Irresponsible and unprofessional. 

They say that the greatest test of a leader is how he acts in a crisis or disaster. I guess I fail miserably here.

Whatever happens now, whatever consequences, I guess I'll follow it through, and I'll just have to put away whatever emotions or feelings I have about the whole thing. That's professionalism I guess...

Then Interclass Debate was extremely upsetting, because it was conducted in a completely and utterly disorganized manner. They started half an hour late, because of not enough judges. They spent ages having to amend the marking sheets because the teacher that judged us did it completely wrong.

Then they messed up the class arrangements, and we were against 3.9 instead of 3.7. And they mixed up Jeremy's name with someone else on the name list, after I had made it specifically clear to them weeks earlier the changes in who we were sending.

So yeah, we won. I got best speaker. Let's hope round two goes as well. 

Oh yeah Jeremy, don't feel so bad about the research and preparation thing. I understand what its like to have a schedule packed back to back, and everyone expecting so much. My calendar application has broken down several times because it tried to synchronize with my other computers but there were too many appointments for it to handle it seems.

So debate ended late cuz it started late. Then ran to the IB bio lab for science research and was in a terrible mood the whole meeting. Then the lab tech (Mdm Reena) said these two words when I came in "you're late". Yeah, thanks for telling me, like I didn't already know. Yeah, really really bad mood.

Well there were lighter moments. Nico's group needed lots of human hair for their project, so they went to a hairdresser and got a huge chunk. Then they spent part of today's meeting washing it. Then Mdm Reena looked absolutely disgusted. Then Hendrick asked "Do you have a place to store it?" She looked like she was going to faint. Then she said "You put it on the floor here. I don't want it on the lab bench." Lol :)

Oh yes, surprise surprise, Daniel Lim is also in SRC biology research. Why can't he just go somewhere else and leave me alone? I thought he was with physics research...

Then guess what happened when I was going home. Right after I got out of the lab I spent one whole hour looking for Ethan. His phone was as usual, off. Then cannot find him. So I call my dad and guess what? He already picked him up (green form - fever) and were on the way home. Then when he SMS me earlier to ask me what time I finish, he didn't even tell me about it. 

Then he didn't tell me that mom was finishing late at 6:30 when she specifically told him to inform me, so I waited and waited and waited wondering goodness knows what the hell was going on not to mention wasting precious time twiddling my thumbs. I called her first phone 6 times with no answer. Then I called her second phone, which she answered. So I left school close to 7 pm, after wasting almost 2 hours of precious time.

In the car I made it very clear that I was extremely upset. And we didn't shout at each other. And we made it up to each other on the way home.

Then when we got home I told dad that he should have informed me of the happenings, then he just started throwing a temper tantrum about the whole thing. The problem with him is that he's too f***ing arrogant to admit and accept that it was his mistake, instead pushing the blame to other people. He's just a stubborn b**** who can't accept for once that he's in the wrong. The whole evening was just everyone yelling at each other. Then I cried.

Its okay when one bad thing happens. Its totally different when they all happen together at once.

I Need Me Clones 10:04 PM

I want one of Calvin and Hobbs duplicator devices. I need to make more Allisters, to help me do my homework, and allow me to attend events/meetings (which I want to go for) which run simultaneously. I want an Allister duplicator, and I want it now. Excuse me Fusionopolis people, are you listening? :P

Actually, why can't the school have a iCalendar Exchange system that synchronizes all events and meetings, and arranges them so they do not clash? This is probably something even small and medium enterprises have. Is it because IT Support is too lousy to get it done? The same way they haven't repaired our projector after 3 weeks? Poor integration. 

I wanna go for interclass debate! I can't because it mean's missing SRC for the third time consecutively. I got told off twice for lack of commitment already. If only I hadn't missed last week's one, and the Friday and Saturday meetings because of NCDCC.

The solution to the problem is either remove certain commitments, or create more Allisters.

I just read somebody's blog. You seem upset again.... are you ok? You sound so lonely. I know you thought you had no one else to run to. Just know that I am always around, and you can talk to me anytime you want to. 

As for the CCA thing, I quit MPac over the exact same thing. Feeling unappreciated. I don't believe in staying somewhere I don't feel I can make a difference. Its pointless. 

I owe you an apology too. I'm sorry for putting you in interclass debate. I'm sorry for being so thoughtless and insensitive. I feel like some loser, wanting people to be more considerate of my schedule but not doing the same for other people. 

Don't be so demoralized..... I think you are awesome....

Pon and Zi 11:09 PM

Apparently those emo comic cartoon thingy I posted here in the post entitled "Puppies and Kittens" come from a collection called Pon and Zi by this person called Jeff Thomas. There are like 50 in total, at www.ponandzi.com.

I think they are really expressive. They almost make me cry. Some are sooo... cute :)

I think this is one of the ones I can relate most to, just change "love you" to "just wanted be your friend"...

go see all of them, I downloaded most of them :) ...

Ugly Paintings 10:57 PM

My art painting is extremely ugly. Paint is stupid. Pastels and color pencils are better. :) Today we were supposed to finish our painting up. Everyone agrees on Jacky having the nicest painting. Everyone (except probably Jacky) is happy we are starting a new piece next week. :) I hope its not some terrible still life thing again, I'm sick of drawing chairs and the like...

Applied today for Ideas in Action research grant today. I really really need it seeing as custom DNA sequences are $o.50 per base pair .... Wish me luck :)

:) 10:33 PM

Today I came to school still emo ... and came home way happier...

In the morning, a friend who read my emo tears on this blog, came and hugged me. For a long time. And told me that everything's gonna be ok. He told me that transferring to some random neighborhood school is a really really bad idea, "Please don't do that. We'll all be very sad."

Lucas you are awesome, one in a million :)

Anger and Resentment 1:08 PM

I kinda cried last night.

I'm still angry from yesterday. I remember the time I told my parents that I might want to drop out of ACS (I) and just go to some random neighborhood school. Like what Thuya did. They took one look at the dead serious expression on my face, and told me they would support me no matter what decision I made.

Funny how I felt so strongly that I belonged at ACS when I was a primary school kid. Its sad I can't say the same thing here anymore.

I'm very upset that some important people don't have any respect for ACS traditions...

Sigh. Mrs Molly Sng from ACS (Primary) left the world last night, from what I found on Mr Poon's FaceBook page this morning.

Then again if I did leave, how many of the people who mean the world to me will I never see again?

Last Day of GEP Camp 12:08 PM

I was reading people's blog's. Someone was lucky enough to have discovered something for themselves during a biology practical. It must've felt awesome... the feeling of discovery and fascination... that feeling every scientist lives for...

The sharing of GEP Camp electives was pretty interesting. I think everyone from 3.8 was looking out for the photo of Jon Tang going horse riding XD

Then there was this retarded cheering competition. Joshua Foo did an awesome job of getting the whole class together to come up with something. Thanks a million Joshua :)

Then after school was NCDCC, which I got really upset about. First was because of NCDCC Day rehearsal from 1.30 to 6. Second was because they made us skip IHS/POD lectures during white space without a second thought. Thirdly was because there was a stay over camp the day before NCDCC Day, starting at 3 pm. Meaning I miss Science Research the millionth time because of NCDCC.

ON TOP OF GIVING ALL MY FRIDAY AFTERNOONS, I SACRIFICE HALF OF EVERY SATURDAY, WAKING UP AT 5AM AND GETTING HOME AT 2PM. AND HALF MY MARCH HOLIDAY. I MAKE THE EFFORT TO HAVE PIANO LESSONS AT A MOST INCONVENIENT TIME OR SKIP KARATE, RISKING FAILING EXAMS AND GRADINGS JUST SO I CAN BE PRESENT. I SACRIFICE MY HEALTH, FALLING SICK AND MISSING SCHOOL THRICE IN A WEEK, AND GETTING DIAGNOSED WITH PNEUMONIA. 

I RISK SO MANY THINGS THAT MEANT EVERYTHING TO ME, YET YOU STILL WANT MORE.

NOW YOU WANT ME TO SACRIFICE MY STUDIES AND MY GRADES AND ALL MY SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH PROJECTS AND QUIZZES WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT. THE FACT THAT YOU DON'T ASK BUT YOU DEMAND. THAT'S JUST SELFISH AND RUDE.

YES, COMMITMENT IS IMPORTANT, BUT AS A STUDENT MY FIRST AND FOREMOST JOB IS TO DO WELL IN MY STUDIES, NOT MY CCA. WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I RISK GETTING KICKED OUT OF QUIZZES AND COMPETITION TEAMS AND REVOKED OF CERTAIN POSITIONS BY NOT ATTENDING THEIR MEETINGS? WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT CERTAIN THINGS MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME?

GEP Camp Second Day 11:45 AM

The panel discussion was pretty good...

Someone gave me something very thoughtful today... :) Thanks a million

Circus Arts was awesome. The Chinese Diabolo is totally awesome. Go look for a video or try one yourself. :) Its quite difficult to describe how it looks and how it works. But its awesome :)

Juggling was an epic phail, because I have had terrible problems with catching stuff all my life. 

Plate spinning was pretty interesting.

Most of these stuff are like either you get it straightaway, or you'll never every get it your whole life.

Oh yeah, I discovered that the boarding school piano is a Steinway. No fair! Lucky people...

After school I had this Moot Parliament meeting where we were supposed to edit our slides. Except that only Nico came. Arul didn't answer his phone. Avery dunno where. Noel with Lee Suan Yew auditions.

So we went home...

I went with my mom and Ethan to Wheelock Place, because we were getting an iMac for my him and also helping her colleague buy one too. I suppose she needed me to carry one. 

Well this time Apple did something really stupid. They cut off the numeric keypad from the keyboard, which I find terribly important. There is an option to order an iMac with the numeric keypad, except you need to wait two weeks and will not be eligible for a $200 cash rebate. So we went with that option because the cashier was terribly confusing and told us about the rebate thing after the whole deal was signed and done.

Then on the way home, we realized that we should have gone with the numeric-keypadless default option, get the $200 cash rebate, then buy a standard keyboard at $78 each on top of that. 

So we were almost home, around east coast, when we decided to drive all the way back to Orchard Road because the customer service hotline was full. So we drove all the way back, and settled it.

So because we took the default option, we got to bring the iMacs home today. It feels totally awesome to walk out of the Apple Store with two iMacs... even though neither was mine :)

Then we drove all the way home...

GEP Camp First Day 10:48 PM

Class comm. got their bages today... yay :)

Today is Daniel Shim's birthday. Didn't know which class he was in, because we kinda lost contact after he quit piano... so I wished him happy birthday on Facebook. It must be fun to be born on April Fools day :P

Quotes of the day-

"You will meet at the Dining School Boarding Hall"

--Ms Audrey Tay

"Please note that you have a POD lecture during white space on Friday. Originally IHS wanted white space. But then POD came along and wanted it too. So they are fighting it out now. I think POD will win."

--Ms Fiona Ho

Did inline skating for GEP Camp, but I had to leave halfway to go help with the GEP Mindgames, because we were hosting it this year. How unfortunate, skating was actually quite fun, just a little difficult, that's all.

Did the welcome and goodbye address with Rohan Shah. The whole thing went quite well. Thanks a million the Rohan. Thanks a million to Jeremy Ong, who helped me a ton. Ms Ong Mui Hong seemed very happy at the end. :) 

In between the two presentations, I did scorekeeping for scrabble. Which was difficult, because the game was going way way way too fast... Joel Ong came halfway through to have a look, except I was kept busy with tallying scores for long and complicated word combinations, so we hardly spoke. I'm sorry Joel...

The primary school kids were a nice bunch of people... except a couple of them started running all around on the stage and made a scene before we started the welcome presentation.

We'll today went pretty well... I feel happy, and I can't really justify why... Which is a most wonderful thing...

"To see the world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wild flower,

Hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour"

--William Blake